


Sonic's Market Basket Adventure

by NaegiMakotos



Category: Sonic the Hedgehog (Video Games), Sonic the Hedgehog - All Media Types
Genre: Crack Fic, Full House - Freeform, Grocery Shopping, market basket
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-20
Updated: 2016-11-20
Packaged: 2018-09-01 06:11:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8612338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NaegiMakotos/pseuds/NaegiMakotos
Summary: sonic goes to market basket to buy cheese





	1. no cheese

**Author's Note:**

> market basket is a grocery store in the new england region

sonic woke tf up after a fast nap

"fuck dude i want some chili dogs" he says bc he eats nothing else not even once. he opened the fridge to get out those hotty doggos when he noticed theres no cheese

"theres no cheese" he said

"sonic a chilidog doesnt have cheese if it does its a chili cheesedog. lol u dumb bitch" tails said

"fuck of tales u dont know SHIT AB CHILIDOGS a chilidog without cheese is a goddamn faker"

"if u need ur shitty cheese that bad just go to fuckin market basket shitlord" talis said

"fuck man good idea pails" said sonic

sonic blasted over to Market Basket™ to get some of that sweet cheddar but since its market basket it was a fucking mess when he ran in. hes p sure like every character in the franchise was at that one store except for hails who has better things to do and the archie characters because theyre irrelevant.

eggman was in the egg aisle crying about his lost brethren. sonic always knew he was related 2 eggs.

shadow nyoomed around the freezers to buy every hot pocket the store had. why does he even like those things srsly.

silver fucked up so bad. like super fucking bad. he tried to carry everything with his shitty mind powers instead of using a cart like the rest of us and dropped everything. milk covered all of aisle 8. whats even in aisle 8? everything, probably.

blaze set the bread on fire. again. who let her in the store.

amy saw a bee on one of the flowers and ended up smashing the whole department with her boku no piko hammer. the bee was charmy. she fucking killed charmy bee with no remorse.

sticks saw a security camera and keeps screeching something about the government but hey arent we all

rouge found the ringpops and keeps trying to steal them all bc they look like gems

& knuckles is benchpressing the grapes to show his tru love for them

"im boutta mcfreakin lose it" sonic said as he walks to the cheese


	2. the hunt

sonic gets to the cheese. cream is there.  
“oh hey cream” sonic says but cream does not hear him as she is too busy screaming  
“c r e a m l i s t e n t o m e” sonic says louder. cream stops screaming  
“im looking for cheese” she says  
“oh fuck man me too”  
“no i mean my chao u fuckface lol”  
“oh yeah him.”  
they walk around the store to find cheese. he was in the coffee creamer fridge bc he thought cream was fucking dead and got turned into coffee sweetener.  
“cheese holy fuck dont run off again” cream yells  
“b ruh i thought u were fucking DEAD man i was LEMENTING” says cheese. sonic slowly backs away in horror bc no one knew cheese could talk because since when tf could chao talk  
“lets get the show on the gd road its cheesy time” he says going back 2 the cheese. of course its never that easy when ur sonic the needlemouse so some other shits gotta happen before he enters the cheese zone.  
shadow runs out from an aisle and since hes holding so many damn snickers and hot pockets he knocks sonic over. at the same time espio had tried to fucking obliterate sonic with some throwing stars bc hes a weeb and also bc hes gotta avenge mighty. rip espios hopes & dreams  
“shadow wtf r u doing cant u see im trying to kill here” espio says  
“ok 1 i couldnt see bc of all these damn hot pockets 2 wtf did sonic ever do 2 u 3 idc if i ruined ur day bc thats what i do for a living” shadow says  
“thats nice n all shadow but can u pls get tf off of me i cant breathe” sonic says  
“oh sorry man”  
“shadow i thought u worked for the government tho” espio says. sticks hears them talkin ab the government and runs over and fucking dropkicks espio for saying the Cursed Word™  
“yea boiiii i do. i ruin lives 4 a living”  
“ok bye im getting my cheese and getting tf outta here” sonic says and fucking runs as fast as he can to the cheese. those 0.000000075 seconds seemed like hours. he just wanted his damn cheese  
soon he was there. at the cheese. the beautiful mexican 4 cheese shredded blend holds more value than gold now. he picks up the cheese and begins his journey to the register


	3. everywhere you look

sonic somehow made it all the way to the register without anyone ruining his day any further  
“yea im just getting this cheese” he says  
“yeah sure thing sonic” says the cashier. it was none other than tv actor john stamos  
“holy shit youre john stamos” sonic says  
“yeah”  
“dude i love full house man”  
“why did u have to say that. the Forbidden Phrase™” says john stamos. he looked out into the aisles. it was too late to take cover. they were coming.  
“everywhere u look, everywhere u look” the entire store started chanting.  
“dude wtf is happening” sonic says  
“the name of that show haunts me daily. a single mention of it makes everyone circle around me and chant the theme song. please sonic just take ur cheese and go before they attack”  
sonic took the cheese and left. he wasnt gonna turn down free cheese. he turned around to see john stamos fighting off the full house fanatics as they came closer, chanting the unforgettable lyrics  
sonic got back home and was so ready for those cold puppers. he opened the fridge to get the hotty doggos when he noticed they were gone  
“sails what did u do w/ the hotty doggos!” sonic screeched  
“i was hungry. go 2 market basket n get some more u lazy shit” said fails. he was eating the last hotty doggo and watching full house  
“listen u little bitch i just went to hell and back for this cheese now its ur turn”  
“ugh fucking fine u make me do everything around this house but whatever ill get more of ur precious hotty doggos” said mails. he got up and left 2 go to market basket, humming the full house theme song.


End file.
